Today is my Daughter Freedom's Birthday

Rip me open again, will you?

Let me breathe one more time in synchronicity with you,

my beloved.

I miss your tiny fingers clutching my breast while you fed.

Nails so thin and new, sharp, painful grasps, far from bothered because it was you.

This little light of mine.

She shines,

I,

Mother,

am blind.

With each new awakening, I remember vividly you saying, "Mommy, wake up. Wake up Mommy, it's time to wake up."

Your voice was so mature, I'd never heard you sound like that before, I left you, a baby, next phone conversation you had the voice I heard, mature.

Despite me, you thrive.

You saved my life.

Every day I die a little bit more.

My daughter, how strange still to say.

Still, I say it anyway.

Born on this very day, we waited patiently for you.

You tried to come too soon.

MIdwife says to be with Mommy a bit longer Dear.

Excited to meet you face to face,

I still wait.

Be still they say,

soon she'll be with you.

I miss your laughing face.

Your beauty is beyond me.

I still can't believe you call me Mommy.

Oh, Freedom, beloved blessing, your name says everything.

Be you always.

Mommy Loves you baby.

I've been struggling, in battle, fighting, for you for a decade, holding memories hostage, craving for how we used to be.

No longer 2 or 3, 12 now, wiser than me.

Never stop being you, don't be like me.

Be you always.

Free.

- Warner Bailey

Don't worry anymore. 

I was here the whole time too. 

I saw you even when I didn't want to. I knew you were there, I just didn't want to look at you. 

Thank you. 

I think my love was so overwhelming for myself I resisted the pull. 

I attended the fair and rode the rides before. Like

Fiona said,

"I sleep to dream.", I

live for life itself 

and 

now I'm ready to live with you and you too.

I love.

Me.

You, I thank. 

-Warner Bailey

Good Morning

I ask myself this morning,

 "What is my purpose"?

• To be close with God
• To show my light to any and everyone and when asked what that light is or where it's come from, tell them God is shining through me
• Be humble... I shouldn't know when I'm being humble or I may not even be being humble
• Help someone else quietly
• Be grateful
• Take time to be still
• Love

So what's your purpose for today?

Let's spread knowledge and Love.

I was in Rehab, Now I'm back

I want to let you all know that I'm no longer homeless. I want to tell you the story of beauty that life has once again shown me. I want to update you on my health, my medical conditions, and the medicinal remedies that are shifting my moods, attitudes, and the creativity that propels me into these blog posts and podcasts.

I want to write.

I want to tell you all about everything.

I'm afraid I'm suffering from writer's block. The last time I had writer's block it lasted over a decade.

Chopin has been my movement. Solitude has been my peace. You have been my motivation. What does one do?

I believe I should be traveling the country, the world, reviewing local shops, meeting new souls, having adventures and sharing them with you. Sober, yes, sober.

I have a brother who will make this journey complete. I have been encountering many people who are awake or in the process of waking up from a sleepwalk full of lies, full of pain, full of confusion. Let's pray that Warner Bailey becomes the movement to move hundreds of thousands into an infinity of change. Let's see the real world. Let's be rid of the lies we've been fed.

There's nothing to fear. We are all capable of living our best lives. I will share how through blogging, podcasting, filmmaking, music production, and street art (I'll find a better name for this. Lol.)

I'd ask you to join but you already have.

How Ass is My Behind?

I've got some great titles for a few unfinished pieces, mainly blog posts and business reviews, "Where the Wild Things Are", "The 3rd Year was the Worst", and "Catch Up!" are a few.
As I sit in my van on a side street of Encino, next to the freeway, I welcome the disappearance of the sun and the cool air that comes along with. I just ingested a half of a Xanax, ate a Cup of Noodle mixed with part of a can of Hot Dog Chilli from the Dollar Tree, and am sipping slowly on my famous Big Gulp Cup filled with ice and watered down Coco-Nut-Rita. Chopin plays in the background while the town's people go inside closed doors to rest before Monday arrives and brings a new week of monotony for their poor souls to envelop. Life is kind to me, I am at peace. I continue typing, hoping to excrete something worth reading, hoping not to pass out from the benzodiazepine that will surely take over firstly my feet, then my legs, with the rest of my body following, I wonder which will go limp first, my brain or my fingers.

Prelude in E minor Op. 28 No. 4

It seems to be easier for me to write titles lately than to actually put my heart on the page. I had been on such a roll and then, electricity deficiency, malnourishment, depression, and fear set in. I began writing these epic pieces in my head swearing I would get them down on paper at some point, somehow. I recognized my lack in progress and so with every bit of energy I could muster up I began writing, even if I couldn't finish, I didn't want to lose the thoughts behind what I knew would be extraordinary pieces. I collected names of the people who inspired me. I revealed my identity to the kind souls I would meet. I will connect each puzzle piece to my Prelude.

I now know why this chapter has appeared in my story, the story of me, Warner Bailey. I am a woman who no longer calls herself a girl. I am a woman. I am grown up from my childish past. I have an understanding of life that I had but forgot. I'm remembering now. I am learning how. I am a writer, always have been, always will be. I've been living out these stories. I am living the dream. I have so much wonder and excitement still in me, it's overflowing. I will hover over blank pages and let it all spill. Colorful ink droplets of love, loss, strength, courage, dark, light, hope, and power. Read me, but don't read between my lines please, there lays nothing. My imagination is great. My spirit and soul are both young and old. I possess gifts that only I can give.

If you're still reading and wondering which goes limp first, the brain or the fingers, it's the brain in this case for me. And there go the fingers. I'm struggling to press the last keys.

Tonight I will fall asleep to the sounds of Chopin making love to black and white keys. I will dream of good things and awake to another California morning, I hope to take this feeling of calm with me to tomorrow. We shall see. My wish is that you will join me.

Goodnight you princes and princesses of Maine, you kings and queens of New England.

Chopin - Nocturne Op. 9 No. 2

"Life Sucks and is so Beautiful."-Warner Bailey

April 1st Kicks Off The 1st Day of the 30/30 National Poetry Month Challenge

Today, we challenge you to write a poem that is based on a secret shame or a secret pleasure. It could be eating too many cookies or bad movies, or the time you told your sister she could totally brush her teeth with soap. It’s up to you. Happy writing!

A Secret Only I Can Keep

You make me laugh so hard my insides are bursting at the seems.

You asked me to tell you a secret and offered to do the same,

You promised to keep my secret

You promised to feel every ounce of pain,

You promised to keep your promises while you keep my secret pleasures and damning shame.

I don't want your secrets, those are yours to claim.

What makes a secret exactly what it is?

When does the trust end and the honesty begin?

If I told you what it is that I keep locked up, safely inside my heart, soul, spirit, mind,

If I shared the most inner parts of me,

If I released the quiet storm that rests only with me would it still be a secret or would it go by a new name?

How can I believe that you can hold on to my pain when it's not yours to brave?

What makes you think I would betray myself simply because you offered what you say is your own version of pleasure or pain?

I don't know how to play this game,

I am not interested in sharing my pain,

I keep mine and you can do the same.

So I lie and say that you are my pleasure and that I have no shame.

That is my secret, This is my God damn shame,

I lie to keep my secrets resting where they stay.

I lie to keep my honesty safe from pain.

You knew all along that I couldn't fake my shame so your test proved positive and nothing has changed.

We live in lies and secret shames built on top of the secret pleasures we both long for but die to save, never knowing fully what it's like to be free of the shame, pain, and misery we create and keep.

We live in lies and secret pains built on top of the secret pleasures we both long for but die to selfishly save, never knowing even for a second what it's like to be free and indulge in the pleasures of sharing all of ourselves together honestly, infinitely, sincerely as the real you and the real me.

Hush, while I tell you a secret, but once I do I'll disappear, I hope you come too.

-Warner Bailey 4/1/18

If you'd like to participate in this year's Poetry Month 30/30 Challenge (30 Poems in 30 days)
Join me and get prompts from this site:

FEATURED: This is you Healing

I stumbled upon this article today after reading a very disturbing piece about a man who found out that there was another man secretly living in the ceiling of his apartment for months and taking very detailed notes about his comings and goings, his cats, and other personal things. You can read about that story here or if you follow me on Pinterest I have it saved under "SERIOUSLY, WTF".

So after reading that super creepy story I scrolled down and this title caught my eye and peaked my interest so I'm sharing it with you today as part of my FEATURED category where I randomly feature someone elses work whether I know them or not. Just simply because for ine reason or another I found them to be nite worthy at the time. Enjoy!

This Is You Healing
By Dishika Trivedi, March 17th 2018
There are going to be days where you wake up with a heavy chest but all you feel is the void getting deeper within you. That’s completely okay.
This is you healing.
Feeling and acknowledging what is happening around you.
Healing isn’t a ten pointer list of moving on when you hit the rock bottom, nor is it about undoing the past. It is not about deleting parts of you filled with them. It has never been about erasing the memories.
It’s about making peace with your pain. It is realizing that in this world of superficiality, where most of us are on a constant quest to keep ourselves numb from pain and life, you dove in deeper. You’ve been exceptionally strong to do that. You had something real, something beautiful which made your heart sing. Somebody mattered to you and probably you mattered to them too. You earned experiences and lessons that would last a lifetime, just right to serve you a wonderful
platter of memories to look back and smile on.
Healing is loosening the strings of control and embracing impermanence as much as you’d embrace certainty. It’s more about working towards a better you with this new wave of clarity than pricking yourself apart bits by bits trying to make sense of what went wrong.
Healing is looking within yourself, cleaning up the scars and the bruises but beware, never go for a band-aid fix; for healing is a process in itself. It is a constant process which exposes a part of you that you had never been in touch before, the parts which continue to glow even with their brokenness.
It’s about marveling your thought process. Acknowledging where and how the negativity sweeps in and making a conscious effort to replace it with wholesome positivity. It is about allowing yourself the freedom of time and space that you need to be at peace with the turmoil stirring inside.
Healing is giving life the permission to express itself in a thousand different colors of possibilities while you absorb in the most you can, savoring the creation of the masterpiece that you are.

FEATURED

"We are taught as daughters to stay quiet and not make a scene. I had to learn to be loud, rough, and mean. I don't want girls to go through what I have since 16." 

-Thank you for this post Kristal Kay Schlichting-Fees on Facebook!

Once again right on time during a conversation about this exactly. Not sure if this is your original quote or something you felt needed to be repeated either way, please keep being you and letting your soul be free with expression.

"Life Sucks and is so Beautiful." -Warner Bailey 

An Illustration of Love

https://warnerbailey.tumblr.com