Today is my Daughter Freedom's Birthday

Rip me open again, will you?

Let me breathe one more time in synchronicity with you,

my beloved.

I miss your tiny fingers clutching my breast while you fed.

Nails so thin and new, sharp, painful grasps, far from bothered because it was you.

This little light of mine.

She shines,

I,

Mother,

am blind.

With each new awakening, I remember vividly you saying, "Mommy, wake up. Wake up Mommy, it's time to wake up."

Your voice was so mature, I'd never heard you sound like that before, I left you, a baby, next phone conversation you had the voice I heard, mature.

Despite me, you thrive.

You saved my life.

Every day I die a little bit more.

My daughter, how strange still to say.

Still, I say it anyway.

Born on this very day, we waited patiently for you.

You tried to come too soon.

MIdwife says to be with Mommy a bit longer Dear.

Excited to meet you face to face,

I still wait.

Be still they say,

soon she'll be with you.

I miss your laughing face.

Your beauty is beyond me.

I still can't believe you call me Mommy.

Oh, Freedom, beloved blessing, your name says everything.

Be you always.

Mommy Loves you baby.

I've been struggling, in battle, fighting, for you for a decade, holding memories hostage, craving for how we used to be.

No longer 2 or 3, 12 now, wiser than me.

Never stop being you, don't be like me.

Be you always.

Free.

- Warner Bailey

Don't worry anymore. 

I was here the whole time too. 

I saw you even when I didn't want to. I knew you were there, I just didn't want to look at you. 

Thank you. 

I think my love was so overwhelming for myself I resisted the pull. 

I attended the fair and rode the rides before. Like

Fiona said,

"I sleep to dream.", I

live for life itself 

and 

now I'm ready to live with you and you too.

I love.

Me.

You, I thank. 

-Warner Bailey

A Style so Free it Takes over me

I create bombs

literature that makes minds explode

losing minds

forgetting what was taught

remembering what was sold

Lies

"Why", they ask.

"Just because.

"When", they ask

"Now".

It will always be Now

Forever

Constantly Now

And Now

Right Now

-Warner Bailey

"Life Sucks and is so Beautiful"

I was in Rehab, Now I'm back

I want to let you all know that I'm no longer homeless. I want to tell you the story of beauty that life has once again shown me. I want to update you on my health, my medical conditions, and the medicinal remedies that are shifting my moods, attitudes, and the creativity that propels me into these blog posts and podcasts.

I want to write.

I want to tell you all about everything.

I'm afraid I'm suffering from writer's block. The last time I had writer's block it lasted over a decade.

Chopin has been my movement. Solitude has been my peace. You have been my motivation. What does one do?

I believe I should be traveling the country, the world, reviewing local shops, meeting new souls, having adventures and sharing them with you. Sober, yes, sober.

I have a brother who will make this journey complete. I have been encountering many people who are awake or in the process of waking up from a sleepwalk full of lies, full of pain, full of confusion. Let's pray that Warner Bailey becomes the movement to move hundreds of thousands into an infinity of change. Let's see the real world. Let's be rid of the lies we've been fed.

There's nothing to fear. We are all capable of living our best lives. I will share how through blogging, podcasting, filmmaking, music production, and street art (I'll find a better name for this. Lol.)

I'd ask you to join but you already have.

How Ass is My Behind?

I've got some great titles for a few unfinished pieces, mainly blog posts and business reviews, "Where the Wild Things Are", "The 3rd Year was the Worst", and "Catch Up!" are a few.
As I sit in my van on a side street of Encino, next to the freeway, I welcome the disappearance of the sun and the cool air that comes along with. I just ingested a half of a Xanax, ate a Cup of Noodle mixed with part of a can of Hot Dog Chilli from the Dollar Tree, and am sipping slowly on my famous Big Gulp Cup filled with ice and watered down Coco-Nut-Rita. Chopin plays in the background while the town's people go inside closed doors to rest before Monday arrives and brings a new week of monotony for their poor souls to envelop. Life is kind to me, I am at peace. I continue typing, hoping to excrete something worth reading, hoping not to pass out from the benzodiazepine that will surely take over firstly my feet, then my legs, with the rest of my body following, I wonder which will go limp first, my brain or my fingers.

Prelude in E minor Op. 28 No. 4

It seems to be easier for me to write titles lately than to actually put my heart on the page. I had been on such a roll and then, electricity deficiency, malnourishment, depression, and fear set in. I began writing these epic pieces in my head swearing I would get them down on paper at some point, somehow. I recognized my lack in progress and so with every bit of energy I could muster up I began writing, even if I couldn't finish, I didn't want to lose the thoughts behind what I knew would be extraordinary pieces. I collected names of the people who inspired me. I revealed my identity to the kind souls I would meet. I will connect each puzzle piece to my Prelude.

I now know why this chapter has appeared in my story, the story of me, Warner Bailey. I am a woman who no longer calls herself a girl. I am a woman. I am grown up from my childish past. I have an understanding of life that I had but forgot. I'm remembering now. I am learning how. I am a writer, always have been, always will be. I've been living out these stories. I am living the dream. I have so much wonder and excitement still in me, it's overflowing. I will hover over blank pages and let it all spill. Colorful ink droplets of love, loss, strength, courage, dark, light, hope, and power. Read me, but don't read between my lines please, there lays nothing. My imagination is great. My spirit and soul are both young and old. I possess gifts that only I can give.

If you're still reading and wondering which goes limp first, the brain or the fingers, it's the brain in this case for me. And there go the fingers. I'm struggling to press the last keys.

Tonight I will fall asleep to the sounds of Chopin making love to black and white keys. I will dream of good things and awake to another California morning, I hope to take this feeling of calm with me to tomorrow. We shall see. My wish is that you will join me.

Goodnight you princes and princesses of Maine, you kings and queens of New England.

Chopin - Nocturne Op. 9 No. 2

"Life Sucks and is so Beautiful."-Warner Bailey

They

Who is they?
They are the ones who are not me.
They will say that too.
They are the ones who are not you.
They will say you are a fool.
They are the ones who are not us.
They hate us. They hate them.
Who is they?
They are what we are not.
They are not happy, free, justified, joyous, kings, queens.
They are not sad, lonely, tired, in need.
They have names, faces, numbers, fame.
Who gave you life? Not They.
Who hurt you More while you were in pain? They.
Who won't ask? Not They.
Who takes? They.
Who listens? Not They.
Who talks to you, not with you? They.
There's not much to explain, it is simple.
They will always be.
Don't be confused.
They can be anyone.
For Those who ask who They is,
Tell them,
Maybe They is You.
You could never be your worst enemy.
They will be Them
I will be Me
You will be You.
Who is They?
If you have to ask,
You're one of Them or They've got a hold on You.

GROWTH

HI! 💁😌💓 

GOOD NEWS OR NOT SUCH GREAT NEWS FIRST?

HA!....THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT YOU'D PICK... NOT YOU, I KNEW YOU WOULD SAY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I THOUGHT. YEAH YOU, YOU KNOW WHO I'M TALKING TO... ANYWAY....

• Not Such Great News First:

• If you're one of my 5 followers, you may have noticed that I have "failed" writing A POEM A DAY FOR 30 DAYS.
• Nextly, I have decided (and taken action) to put my foot down and grace this forsaken land of The Angels NO MORE.
• That's right folks, Warner Bailey is taking this act on the road. 1st Stop? TBA... Hee Hee Hee.

• Great News:
• I HAVEN'T FAILED!!!
• And that ladies and Gents is the best news!
• Not just the fact that I haven't failed. I think a lot of you may already have this knowledge but...

(UPDATE: The above was written by me yesterday. I stopped typing yesterday, to go back to the house I've been working in as a caretaker to relieve the other woman who works there for a few hours on my day off which also, unfortunately, is her day off as well from her night job. I haven't opened my laptop up since. I've been planning to complete this post all night and morning. It's about time to return to that house for work and I won't have the same space to create. No matter anyway because the 2 spaces I create in now are both very challenging for me in their own ways. I shall pick up where I left off now.)

• ...I wish I had finished that sentence because I can't remember what I was going to say, yet, I can still feel the floaty airiness of confidence I had in the fact that I was living without FAILURE or rather the IDEA of FAILURE influencing my decisions, my conversation, my use of space and use of time.

In the past, as in, up to 3 days ago, I would choose to not even begin a project rather than to begin and not complete it.

I would also begin a project if I believed I had enough time, space, and utilities to complete it in a leisurely fashion.

And then there was the route I would take that I like to blame as the culprit of my fear of failure, I would begin a project and if the project wasn't going at least 85%-90% as close to the formula I designed to successfully complete, I would consider the project, the formula for completion, and even the idea for the project or the idea that I could complete it a failed attempt, so I would give up or half-ass my way to a faulty finish. Sometimes I would take this last approach because there was a deadline set by me or someone else that I hadn't met. Sometimes I would self-sabotage before I even got to the deadline because there was no possible way I could perceive making the said deadline.I would like to say here that at some point I started using the term "self-sabotage" but I'd like to take the word self out and say that I sabotaged many opportunities for not only myself but for others. I was affecting other people who know I have the skill, the passion, the experience, and even the drive to create whatever it is I agreed to work on, by not going the distance.

Yesterday, April 6, 2018, I mentally rounded off how many days of the 30/30 Poetry Challenge I had not composed one of my "edge of the seat", Nobel Award deserving pieces of Modern day literary must-have pieces of poetry. Hold on while I fact-check something real quick...

I'm back.

So, I rounded my missed writing days off to about 5 on Friday, April 6, 2018. The last day I wrote a poem dedicated to the 30/30 Poetry Challenge was on Monday, April 2, 2018. That's 3 days of missed writing for that challenge.

In those 3 days, I've written for other platforms, worked my full time job (whereas of today I've worked at for 2 months without pay and received information recently that I will not receive half of the back pay I was promised, and may or may not receive the other half at some point. ATTENTION: THIS IS STRESSFULL.), my van has broken down, my phone fell off of the counter and the screen shattered, while going through a drawn-out break up with my soon to be ex-boyfriend whom I live with, in an unhealthy RV which has been grounded for well over 20 years in the backyard of a married couple I know from AA.

I thought briefly about carving out some time during the day to catch up on the days I missed but quickly dismissed that idea knowing good and damned well that my stress level would skyrocket and I would end up causing more damage than good trying to do something I've not once seen all the way through. I wanted to write the whole writing challenge off as "another failed attempt". I began to sing myself the same ole pathetic song of the pained and suffering Artist who may never live up to my potential due to failing to simply complete one simple project. Possibly the one key challenge I've needed to launch my career to the top and bring all of my life's purpose to a head for all of the world to see and I could finally be given the recognition I've deserved since I wrote my first word in kindergarten. I think the word was "Mommy".

Between various text conversations, food breaks, talking and laughing with my soon to be ex-boyfriend breaks, find the best classical piano playlist to write to breaks, and I'm too tired to do anything but won't take a nap because I have too much to do breaks, it has taken me about 5 hours to get to this juncture. I'm ready to wrap it up now so maybe I can follow this up with an example of my growth to share with you following this post.

Something happened, like other moments I've had the privilege to experience, more than ever in the past few years, a moment I like to call an "Aha Moment". A notion I have been mindful of for the past week or two, that although there is such a thing as failure, it can not apply to one's life. By definition, as I understand it, success and failure can only truly be measured by one's self. In essence, I began to believe that I can not fail in life, which also meant I could not fail at any project or task no matter what the constraints were I strived to uphold. And with that being said I was lead to the realization that many of the rules, guidelines, and limits I believe are required for me to meet in order to achieve successful completion of works was often no, ALWAYS, created, governed, maintained, or abandoned unnecessarily by ME.

Like a clap to a roar these thoughts became new feelings, those feelings led to actions that lead me to the most beautiful proclamation I could make during such a challenging time in my life.

"I can not fail the 30/30 Poetry Challenge."

If you're reading this and justifying that I had already failed the challenge by missing days or if you're out there rooting for me, hoping that I continue the challenge, hoping I find a way to make up the missed poems and finally feel accomplished, then you are exactly who I wrote this for! I'm so happy you found my words simply because you are who I feel comfortable sharing my story with.

My journey has afforded me many lessons that have been uniquely presented to me, for me, by me and the power that I have within me, which is so bright, so strong, so great, that I am learning in small doses how to utilize it moment by moment.

I do not mean to imply that you see what I see, feel what I feel, or agree with my opinions. I just want to share with you and hope to have the pleasure of receiving feedback, starting a conversation, or if nothing else, checking my stats and being honored to see that a part of me has been read by anyone else besides me.

So, since failure is no longer a factor, everything I've written from this paragraph, on, is being typed by me on Sunday, April 9, 2018.

I have read this blog post over a few times and I think that this may be one of the closest pieces of writing I've done here that resembles the vision I had when I started blogging.

In conclusion, I have 2 final pearls I'd like to share with you. The first is that this post WILL be posted even though it's officially my 3rd day of writing it since it's now 1:17 am.

The second will be the next poem I share as I continue to participate in the 30/30 Poetry Challenge. The poem will be the pearl that has grown from my development that no matter how many days I write a poem for the challenge, no matter how many poems I write in April, and no matter if I decide to carry my writings for the challenge into May, June, or 2019, when my last poem is written for the 30/30 Poetry Challenge, then and only then is when I will have completed the challenge, and for that I CAN NOT FAIL at completing the 30/30 Poetry Challenge. I have already claimed my success.

"Life Sucks and is so Beautiful"
- Warner Bailey

FEATURED: This is you Healing

I stumbled upon this article today after reading a very disturbing piece about a man who found out that there was another man secretly living in the ceiling of his apartment for months and taking very detailed notes about his comings and goings, his cats, and other personal things. You can read about that story here or if you follow me on Pinterest I have it saved under "SERIOUSLY, WTF".

So after reading that super creepy story I scrolled down and this title caught my eye and peaked my interest so I'm sharing it with you today as part of my FEATURED category where I randomly feature someone elses work whether I know them or not. Just simply because for ine reason or another I found them to be nite worthy at the time. Enjoy!

This Is You Healing
By Dishika Trivedi, March 17th 2018
There are going to be days where you wake up with a heavy chest but all you feel is the void getting deeper within you. That’s completely okay.
This is you healing.
Feeling and acknowledging what is happening around you.
Healing isn’t a ten pointer list of moving on when you hit the rock bottom, nor is it about undoing the past. It is not about deleting parts of you filled with them. It has never been about erasing the memories.
It’s about making peace with your pain. It is realizing that in this world of superficiality, where most of us are on a constant quest to keep ourselves numb from pain and life, you dove in deeper. You’ve been exceptionally strong to do that. You had something real, something beautiful which made your heart sing. Somebody mattered to you and probably you mattered to them too. You earned experiences and lessons that would last a lifetime, just right to serve you a wonderful
platter of memories to look back and smile on.
Healing is loosening the strings of control and embracing impermanence as much as you’d embrace certainty. It’s more about working towards a better you with this new wave of clarity than pricking yourself apart bits by bits trying to make sense of what went wrong.
Healing is looking within yourself, cleaning up the scars and the bruises but beware, never go for a band-aid fix; for healing is a process in itself. It is a constant process which exposes a part of you that you had never been in touch before, the parts which continue to glow even with their brokenness.
It’s about marveling your thought process. Acknowledging where and how the negativity sweeps in and making a conscious effort to replace it with wholesome positivity. It is about allowing yourself the freedom of time and space that you need to be at peace with the turmoil stirring inside.
Healing is giving life the permission to express itself in a thousand different colors of possibilities while you absorb in the most you can, savoring the creation of the masterpiece that you are.

Today's Doodle? Guillermo Haro

Today, Doodle is honoring astronomer Guillermo Haro and his 105th birthday. He was born on March 21, 1913 and died on April 26, 1988, after a long and successful career in astronomy. He married a famous journalist and made numerous discoveries in science that led to a galaxy and an observatory being named after him. 

Guillermo Haro Barraza Started Out Studying Philosophy Before He Discovered Astronomy 

Haro was born in Mexico in 1913 to Haro and Leonor Barraza. He grew up during the Mexican revolution. Interestingly, he didn’t get his education in astronomy, he actually studied philosophy at the National Autonomous University of Mexico and intended to have a law career. In 1943, he was hired as an assistant to Luis Enrique Erro at the Observatorio Astrofiscio de Tonantzintla. This is where his love of astronomy began. He worked at the Harvard College Observatory from 1943 to 1944 and returned to Mexico in 1945. In 1947, he began working for the Observatorio de Tacubaya of the UNAM. 

He Made Numerous Contributions & Discoveries in Astronomy. 

Haro made numerous scientific contributions, including discovering the Herbig-Haro objects. These are small, bright nebula that form near regions where stars recently formed. They are created when fast-moving jets of material from new stars collide with a type of interstellar medium. This creates shock waves that ionize gas. An emission line of electrons and ions forms as the gas cools, creating the Herbig-Haro objects. These were discovered simultaneously and independently by George Herbig. 

Haro also discovered flare stars in the Orion constellation, and in stellar aggregates of different ages. Haro also listed 8,746 blue stars in the direction of the north galactic pole, 50 of which turned out to be quasars (which actually had not been discovered yet.) In 1956 he listed 44 blue galaxies, and discovered T Tauri stars, a supernova, more than 10 novae, and a comet. 

Because of his discoveries, Haro was the first Mexican (and the first person from a developing country) elected to the Royal Astronomical Society. He received this honor in 1959. 

A Galaxy & an Observatory Are Named After Him. 

Haro first included the galaxy Haro 11in a study he published in 1956 that listed blue galaxies. It’s a small starbust galaxy that has “super star clusters” within it. It’s one of only nine galaxies in the local universe known to emit Lyman Continuum photons. 

The Guillermo Haro Observatory in Sonora is named after Haro. It’s owned and operated by the National Institute of Astrophysics, Optics, and Electronics. The telescope began operating in 1992. Its purposes including making atmospheric extinction measurements and monitoring light pollution.

His Son Made a Documentary About Him. 

Haro had three children: Emmanuel (born in 1955), Felipe (born in 1968), and Paula (born in 1970). Felipe Haro Poniatowski is a filmmaker who made a documentary about his dad that explored Haro’s life and interviewed people who were close to him. The documentary was produced by TV UNAM and Puebla TV. Emmanuel is a professor in the Department of Physics at a university in Mexico. 

FOR THE FULL ARTICLE THIS INFO CAME FROM PLEASE VISIT 

https://www.google.com/amp/s/heavy.com/news/2018/03/guillermo-haro-barraza-105th-birthday-google-doodle-astronomer/amp/