A Poem

How Ass is My Behind?

I've got some great titles for a few unfinished pieces, mainly blog posts and business reviews, "Where the Wild Things Are", "The 3rd Year was the Worst", and "Catch Up!" are a few.
As I sit in my van on a side street of Encino, next to the freeway, I welcome the disappearance of the sun and the cool air that comes along with. I just ingested a half of a Xanax, ate a Cup of Noodle mixed with part of a can of Hot Dog Chilli from the Dollar Tree, and am sipping slowly on my famous Big Gulp Cup filled with ice and watered down Coco-Nut-Rita. Chopin plays in the background while the town's people go inside closed doors to rest before Monday arrives and brings a new week of monotony for their poor souls to envelop. Life is kind to me, I am at peace. I continue typing, hoping to excrete something worth reading, hoping not to pass out from the benzodiazepine that will surely take over firstly my feet, then my legs, with the rest of my body following, I wonder which will go limp first, my brain or my fingers.

Prelude in E minor Op. 28 No. 4

It seems to be easier for me to write titles lately than to actually put my heart on the page. I had been on such a roll and then, electricity deficiency, malnourishment, depression, and fear set in. I began writing these epic pieces in my head swearing I would get them down on paper at some point, somehow. I recognized my lack in progress and so with every bit of energy I could muster up I began writing, even if I couldn't finish, I didn't want to lose the thoughts behind what I knew would be extraordinary pieces. I collected names of the people who inspired me. I revealed my identity to the kind souls I would meet. I will connect each puzzle piece to my Prelude.

I now know why this chapter has appeared in my story, the story of me, Warner Bailey. I am a woman who no longer calls herself a girl. I am a woman. I am grown up from my childish past. I have an understanding of life that I had but forgot. I'm remembering now. I am learning how. I am a writer, always have been, always will be. I've been living out these stories. I am living the dream. I have so much wonder and excitement still in me, it's overflowing. I will hover over blank pages and let it all spill. Colorful ink droplets of love, loss, strength, courage, dark, light, hope, and power. Read me, but don't read between my lines please, there lays nothing. My imagination is great. My spirit and soul are both young and old. I possess gifts that only I can give.

If you're still reading and wondering which goes limp first, the brain or the fingers, it's the brain in this case for me. And there go the fingers. I'm struggling to press the last keys.

Tonight I will fall asleep to the sounds of Chopin making love to black and white keys. I will dream of good things and awake to another California morning, I hope to take this feeling of calm with me to tomorrow. We shall see. My wish is that you will join me.

Goodnight you princes and princesses of Maine, you kings and queens of New England.

Chopin - Nocturne Op. 9 No. 2

"Life Sucks and is so Beautiful."-Warner Bailey

30/30 Poetry Challenge DAY 12!!! Not a High Coup but a High Bun

My first haibun. Enjoy!

I thought it would be super hard and I was prepared for a struggle. I made a joke to myself that it would end up being one of the easiest poems yet. Is This Real Life? Really??? Oh yes, really, so easy.

I was going to write more. I was going to do the long version, Prose/Haiku/Prose/Haiku, etc.

When I wrote the last line of the Haiku, which had me stumped for a few minutes, I decided to read what I had from the top. Lo and behold, I was impressed. I felt that any more would take away from the impact I received. I wouldn't deprive you of that. 

Our craft resource for the day is an essay by Aimee Nezhukumatathil on writing haibun – a Japanese form that blends prose-based travel writing with haiku.

Today’s (optional) prompt picks up from our craft resource. We’ve challenged you to tackle the haibun in past years, but it’s such a fun one, we couldn’t resist again. Today, we’d like to challenge you specifically to write a haibun that takes in the natural landscape of the place you live. It may be the high sierra, dusty plains, lush rainforest, or a suburbia of tiny, identical houses – but wherever you live, here’s your chance to bring it to life through the charming mix-and-match methodology of haibun.

Recreational Vehicle Home

I didn't want to ever sleep on the bare earth again

Without a home, I thought, at least I'm not alone

After paying for the room with his arm and a leg,

we couldn't afford to stay

She offered me a place, temporarily, I told him I didn't want to go.

when we arrived at the vehicle I said we would not stay for long

A temporary solution to a permanent problem.

The problem is Me

The problem is Him

I left, came back, I was still there.

My home is on wheels

Pour me

A drink makes it disappear

Like outside again.

-Warner Bailey

GROWTH

HI! 💁😌💓 

GOOD NEWS OR NOT SUCH GREAT NEWS FIRST?

HA!....THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT YOU'D PICK... NOT YOU, I KNEW YOU WOULD SAY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I THOUGHT. YEAH YOU, YOU KNOW WHO I'M TALKING TO... ANYWAY....

• Not Such Great News First:

• If you're one of my 5 followers, you may have noticed that I have "failed" writing A POEM A DAY FOR 30 DAYS.
• Nextly, I have decided (and taken action) to put my foot down and grace this forsaken land of The Angels NO MORE.
• That's right folks, Warner Bailey is taking this act on the road. 1st Stop? TBA... Hee Hee Hee.

• Great News:
• I HAVEN'T FAILED!!!
• And that ladies and Gents is the best news!
• Not just the fact that I haven't failed. I think a lot of you may already have this knowledge but...

(UPDATE: The above was written by me yesterday. I stopped typing yesterday, to go back to the house I've been working in as a caretaker to relieve the other woman who works there for a few hours on my day off which also, unfortunately, is her day off as well from her night job. I haven't opened my laptop up since. I've been planning to complete this post all night and morning. It's about time to return to that house for work and I won't have the same space to create. No matter anyway because the 2 spaces I create in now are both very challenging for me in their own ways. I shall pick up where I left off now.)

• ...I wish I had finished that sentence because I can't remember what I was going to say, yet, I can still feel the floaty airiness of confidence I had in the fact that I was living without FAILURE or rather the IDEA of FAILURE influencing my decisions, my conversation, my use of space and use of time.

In the past, as in, up to 3 days ago, I would choose to not even begin a project rather than to begin and not complete it.

I would also begin a project if I believed I had enough time, space, and utilities to complete it in a leisurely fashion.

And then there was the route I would take that I like to blame as the culprit of my fear of failure, I would begin a project and if the project wasn't going at least 85%-90% as close to the formula I designed to successfully complete, I would consider the project, the formula for completion, and even the idea for the project or the idea that I could complete it a failed attempt, so I would give up or half-ass my way to a faulty finish. Sometimes I would take this last approach because there was a deadline set by me or someone else that I hadn't met. Sometimes I would self-sabotage before I even got to the deadline because there was no possible way I could perceive making the said deadline.I would like to say here that at some point I started using the term "self-sabotage" but I'd like to take the word self out and say that I sabotaged many opportunities for not only myself but for others. I was affecting other people who know I have the skill, the passion, the experience, and even the drive to create whatever it is I agreed to work on, by not going the distance.

Yesterday, April 6, 2018, I mentally rounded off how many days of the 30/30 Poetry Challenge I had not composed one of my "edge of the seat", Nobel Award deserving pieces of Modern day literary must-have pieces of poetry. Hold on while I fact-check something real quick...

I'm back.

So, I rounded my missed writing days off to about 5 on Friday, April 6, 2018. The last day I wrote a poem dedicated to the 30/30 Poetry Challenge was on Monday, April 2, 2018. That's 3 days of missed writing for that challenge.

In those 3 days, I've written for other platforms, worked my full time job (whereas of today I've worked at for 2 months without pay and received information recently that I will not receive half of the back pay I was promised, and may or may not receive the other half at some point. ATTENTION: THIS IS STRESSFULL.), my van has broken down, my phone fell off of the counter and the screen shattered, while going through a drawn-out break up with my soon to be ex-boyfriend whom I live with, in an unhealthy RV which has been grounded for well over 20 years in the backyard of a married couple I know from AA.

I thought briefly about carving out some time during the day to catch up on the days I missed but quickly dismissed that idea knowing good and damned well that my stress level would skyrocket and I would end up causing more damage than good trying to do something I've not once seen all the way through. I wanted to write the whole writing challenge off as "another failed attempt". I began to sing myself the same ole pathetic song of the pained and suffering Artist who may never live up to my potential due to failing to simply complete one simple project. Possibly the one key challenge I've needed to launch my career to the top and bring all of my life's purpose to a head for all of the world to see and I could finally be given the recognition I've deserved since I wrote my first word in kindergarten. I think the word was "Mommy".

Between various text conversations, food breaks, talking and laughing with my soon to be ex-boyfriend breaks, find the best classical piano playlist to write to breaks, and I'm too tired to do anything but won't take a nap because I have too much to do breaks, it has taken me about 5 hours to get to this juncture. I'm ready to wrap it up now so maybe I can follow this up with an example of my growth to share with you following this post.

Something happened, like other moments I've had the privilege to experience, more than ever in the past few years, a moment I like to call an "Aha Moment". A notion I have been mindful of for the past week or two, that although there is such a thing as failure, it can not apply to one's life. By definition, as I understand it, success and failure can only truly be measured by one's self. In essence, I began to believe that I can not fail in life, which also meant I could not fail at any project or task no matter what the constraints were I strived to uphold. And with that being said I was lead to the realization that many of the rules, guidelines, and limits I believe are required for me to meet in order to achieve successful completion of works was often no, ALWAYS, created, governed, maintained, or abandoned unnecessarily by ME.

Like a clap to a roar these thoughts became new feelings, those feelings led to actions that lead me to the most beautiful proclamation I could make during such a challenging time in my life.

"I can not fail the 30/30 Poetry Challenge."

If you're reading this and justifying that I had already failed the challenge by missing days or if you're out there rooting for me, hoping that I continue the challenge, hoping I find a way to make up the missed poems and finally feel accomplished, then you are exactly who I wrote this for! I'm so happy you found my words simply because you are who I feel comfortable sharing my story with.

My journey has afforded me many lessons that have been uniquely presented to me, for me, by me and the power that I have within me, which is so bright, so strong, so great, that I am learning in small doses how to utilize it moment by moment.

I do not mean to imply that you see what I see, feel what I feel, or agree with my opinions. I just want to share with you and hope to have the pleasure of receiving feedback, starting a conversation, or if nothing else, checking my stats and being honored to see that a part of me has been read by anyone else besides me.

So, since failure is no longer a factor, everything I've written from this paragraph, on, is being typed by me on Sunday, April 9, 2018.

I have read this blog post over a few times and I think that this may be one of the closest pieces of writing I've done here that resembles the vision I had when I started blogging.

In conclusion, I have 2 final pearls I'd like to share with you. The first is that this post WILL be posted even though it's officially my 3rd day of writing it since it's now 1:17 am.

The second will be the next poem I share as I continue to participate in the 30/30 Poetry Challenge. The poem will be the pearl that has grown from my development that no matter how many days I write a poem for the challenge, no matter how many poems I write in April, and no matter if I decide to carry my writings for the challenge into May, June, or 2019, when my last poem is written for the 30/30 Poetry Challenge, then and only then is when I will have completed the challenge, and for that I CAN NOT FAIL at completing the 30/30 Poetry Challenge. I have already claimed my success.

"Life Sucks and is so Beautiful"
- Warner Bailey

April 1st Kicks Off The 1st Day of the 30/30 National Poetry Month Challenge

Today, we challenge you to write a poem that is based on a secret shame or a secret pleasure. It could be eating too many cookies or bad movies, or the time you told your sister she could totally brush her teeth with soap. It’s up to you. Happy writing!

A Secret Only I Can Keep

You make me laugh so hard my insides are bursting at the seems.

You asked me to tell you a secret and offered to do the same,

You promised to keep my secret

You promised to feel every ounce of pain,

You promised to keep your promises while you keep my secret pleasures and damning shame.

I don't want your secrets, those are yours to claim.

What makes a secret exactly what it is?

When does the trust end and the honesty begin?

If I told you what it is that I keep locked up, safely inside my heart, soul, spirit, mind,

If I shared the most inner parts of me,

If I released the quiet storm that rests only with me would it still be a secret or would it go by a new name?

How can I believe that you can hold on to my pain when it's not yours to brave?

What makes you think I would betray myself simply because you offered what you say is your own version of pleasure or pain?

I don't know how to play this game,

I am not interested in sharing my pain,

I keep mine and you can do the same.

So I lie and say that you are my pleasure and that I have no shame.

That is my secret, This is my God damn shame,

I lie to keep my secrets resting where they stay.

I lie to keep my honesty safe from pain.

You knew all along that I couldn't fake my shame so your test proved positive and nothing has changed.

We live in lies and secret shames built on top of the secret pleasures we both long for but die to save, never knowing fully what it's like to be free of the shame, pain, and misery we create and keep.

We live in lies and secret pains built on top of the secret pleasures we both long for but die to selfishly save, never knowing even for a second what it's like to be free and indulge in the pleasures of sharing all of ourselves together honestly, infinitely, sincerely as the real you and the real me.

Hush, while I tell you a secret, but once I do I'll disappear, I hope you come too.

-Warner Bailey 4/1/18

If you'd like to participate in this year's Poetry Month 30/30 Challenge (30 Poems in 30 days)
Join me and get prompts from this site:

Collaboration Poem by Me, Warner Bailey & YG Baba

You need to talk about all the

times you weren’t allowed to

This time talk about it with me .

I am a soldier for you to address your dreams.

Chosen for you,

You chosen for me.

I will guide you while you're blind until you can see.

I will love you unconditionally.

I willlove you until you love you.

I will always love you.

You don't have to love me.

-Warner Bailey

    

#YourQuoteAndMine

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Warner Bailey Says

I'm documenting my quotes now. Who knows, maybe a book of poetry and a book of quotes or maybe just maybe a book with both! 

Hhhmmm...

I Usually Do My Own Thing but When in 2018...

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